Parenting and Relationships

Now I’m a parent - what do I do now?

Being a parent will fill you with all sorts of emotions you will probably feel excited and proud but it’s only natural to feel a bit anxious too as there is lots to learn and the responsibility can feel a bit overwhelming, especially in the first few weeks! But there is plenty of advice and support available and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Here are a few tips:

• Lots of people will want to meet your new baby, but see visitors when you want to. If you are tired, say so, and ask them to come back another time.
• Ask people to do useful things when they come round – do the washing up, go to the shops for you, or take the baby out for a short walk.
• Spend time with other mums and dads who also have small babies – you will be all going through the same thing and talking really helps!
• Have easy meals – get friends and family to cook you some nice meals. Also have food you can eat without cooking like fruit and bread.  
• Rest or sleep when you can and especially when your baby rests or sleeps.
• If you are worried about your own or your baby’s health, always ask your midwife, health visitor or GP for help and advice – they are there to help you.

Spend time with baby

These early days are very special and precious, try to make the most of them. It may seem like the hardest job you’ve ever had to do, but as you and your baby get to know and understand each other, you will start to feel more confident and less anxious. Remember don’t be afraid to ask for help as there are also lots of local groups and parenting programmes to support you as a parent. 

What are parenting programmes?

Parenting programmes can help you become an effective parent and to manage feelings and behaviour. Parenting programmes are usually offered in groups so you can meet other mums and dads and you can support each other.

Talk to your health visitor or your local Children’s Centre as they will have details of courses and groups running in your local area.

You can also do an online course on the Netmums website. This is based on the Family Links 'Nurturing Programme', which doesn’t tell you what to do, but it helps you to share information and ideas that you can try out and see what works well for you and your family. Online the course is in 3 parts and you receive regular emails over 8 weeks, but you can do the course online at your own pace you can find out about it and sign up on their website:

Relationship support

Relationships are important to everyone throughout your life and it’s very important to have healthy and strong relationships while you are pregnant. But you will find that being pregnant may bring about big changes to your relationships.

If you are in a relationship make sure you make time for each other as your boyfriend may be finding it difficult too. Make sure you make time for each other, talk to each other and be honest about how you are both feeling.

If you are on your own, it’s important to make sure there are people who can support you and help you sort out problems. Think about the people you have in your life who can help and support you, as well as groups and organisations. 

If things go wrong

If things aren’t going well in your relationship with your baby’s dad you might need some help, talk to your midwife or your support worker. 

Relate can also help you if you are experiencing difficulties in your relationships, they can help you adapt to life with a new baby and your changing personal situation, helping you to put things in perspective and how to deal with difficult situations.

You can contact Relate in Oxford 01865 242 960 or Banbury 01295 258 141 or email appointments@relate-oxfordshire.org check out their website: www.relate-oxfordshire.org/

Time to separate? 

If you have been in a relationship but it has ended, Family Mediation is a way of helping separated couples to make positive practical decisions. Family Mediation helps to minimises the conflict between you and your former partner, and can help with your children’s parenting arrangements, finance decisions and other family matters. There are offices throughout the county and to find out if Family Mediation is for you or to make an appointment, contact 01865 741 781 or email admin@ofm.org.uk

Domestic Violence

Being in an abusive relationship is bad for you and your baby, but there is help and support available to you.

What is abuse?

Abuse does not just mean physical violence such as hitting and kicking. There are other forms of abuse too and sometimes it’s hard to know if these are part of being in a ‘normal’ relationship.

Things like these below are not ‘normal’ behaviour for people in loving and caring relationships:

• saying things that make you feel small, whether you’re alone or in front of other people
• pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do, including sex
• checking up on you all the time to find out where you are and who you’re with
• threatening to hurt you or someone close to you

Emotional and verbal abuse can happen on the phone or on the internet and not just when you’re together. If you’re in a relationship and you are not happy about it or you are frightened by the way your partner treats you, you don’t have to put up with it, it’s ok to ask for help. Remember it’s not your fault - tell someone and keep telling people until you get the help you need.

How can I get help? 

The National Domestic Violence Helpline can offer you advice 0808 2000 247 or call the Oxfordshire Domestic Violence Helpline on 0800 731 0055. Childline can also offer support and advice call them on 0800 11 11 or you can contact the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000

Oxfordshire has a dedicated website for those affected by domestic abuse; there is lots of information and support for people affected by domestic abuse and there is a section about how children are affected by abusive relationships.  

• Visit Reducing the Risk

• Check out our domestic abuse pages

In an emergency

And if you feel you or your baby are in immediate danger, call 999.